Hola!
I guess it has been 4 days since I last posted. It was a boring weekend since it was overcast and I could not have the pleasure of going sightseeing. I more or less wasted 70% of my weekend which is something I enjoyed but also adds to my list of regrets. (Why the damn hell can I not control my desire to procrastinate on weekends ?? .... I could have read a full book of 600 pages in 2 days). In any case, it is my demon; one which I have to conquer one of these days.
A simple realization I had was that I have worked much harder and passionately in Kyodai than I have (probably) worked for the last 3 years in IITB. I had a long discussion with my dad last night about this and he agreed that it was better late than never. He also said that he wasted even more opportunities when he was my age. Like father like son... eh ? But he did mention that I am relatively much more ahead of him and that is quite understandable cause I have had a bit of guidance and the Interwebs... something which he did not have the luxury of. Ofcourse he did pull himself together at the age of 26-27 and never looked back. No wonder he is the top (if not one of the top) lawyer in Vasai (and probably India; I don't know if I am qualified to make a world level comparison). I guess we both know how enticing and equally lethal the world of procrastination is. It is something I fear.
That brings me to 2 further realizations:
1. Propensity for certain indulgences being genetically affected seems more likely than ever. There might be research which supports as well as refutes this.... but atleast in my case it seems to be true. I mean.... my upbringing (wrt my friend circles and technology exposure etc.) has been significantly different from my dad's (and mom's for that matter). However, the behavioural transitions I am going through have striking similarities to my parents' (my dad's more specifically). I have spent most of my life being raised by my mom, since dad would be at work, earning money for our daily bread and he took a greater role in my upbringing after I was 15 or so; yet, my mindset has been influenced to a greater degree by my dad. It has to be genetics..... unless the other party is also right and it might have to also do with the human desire to emulate the king of the ring... something which my dad has been all this time. This is not to say that my mom is not dominant; she is for sure. I have a number of behavioural traits which are the same as my mom's but I still do feel that I am more similar to my dad than to my mom (In a number of cases I do feel that the situation is opposite though). In any case I am my parents son for sure.
2. I want to work. I do not care for the outcome.... for example.... I do not care if I get my PhD or not. I just want to use sound approaches for generating and implementing ideas and keep working. I want to read papers and be at the fringe. I want to grow up. I am valuing my desire to be a professor in IITB more and more and my gradual seriousness is helping me move towards my goal. But even if I do not achieve it I do not care. As much as I love procrastinating, I am certain that I am going to enjoy working harder than I ever have.
For my closing comments, I just want to mention that I think I am going on the right path for now.
PS: I had my med check yesterday and will have my welcome party in 2 weeks time. I am becoming a bit more responsible about keeping my room organized and clean which is good in the long run.
PPS: I cooked chicken liver for the first time in my life. Cooking is hard.... period... but fun. God knows how my mom even endures it every day. All hail the mother. The preparation was pretty good and my Norwegian friend (Kristoffer) even complimented me on the quality. Not bad for an upstart. I will definitely try again. Perhaps this weekend.
EDIT:
Stay tuned for more.... I'll be back! [Terminator theme sound plays in the background]
I guess it has been 4 days since I last posted. It was a boring weekend since it was overcast and I could not have the pleasure of going sightseeing. I more or less wasted 70% of my weekend which is something I enjoyed but also adds to my list of regrets. (Why the damn hell can I not control my desire to procrastinate on weekends ?? .... I could have read a full book of 600 pages in 2 days). In any case, it is my demon; one which I have to conquer one of these days.
A simple realization I had was that I have worked much harder and passionately in Kyodai than I have (probably) worked for the last 3 years in IITB. I had a long discussion with my dad last night about this and he agreed that it was better late than never. He also said that he wasted even more opportunities when he was my age. Like father like son... eh ? But he did mention that I am relatively much more ahead of him and that is quite understandable cause I have had a bit of guidance and the Interwebs... something which he did not have the luxury of. Ofcourse he did pull himself together at the age of 26-27 and never looked back. No wonder he is the top (if not one of the top) lawyer in Vasai (and probably India; I don't know if I am qualified to make a world level comparison). I guess we both know how enticing and equally lethal the world of procrastination is. It is something I fear.
That brings me to 2 further realizations:
1. Propensity for certain indulgences being genetically affected seems more likely than ever. There might be research which supports as well as refutes this.... but atleast in my case it seems to be true. I mean.... my upbringing (wrt my friend circles and technology exposure etc.) has been significantly different from my dad's (and mom's for that matter). However, the behavioural transitions I am going through have striking similarities to my parents' (my dad's more specifically). I have spent most of my life being raised by my mom, since dad would be at work, earning money for our daily bread and he took a greater role in my upbringing after I was 15 or so; yet, my mindset has been influenced to a greater degree by my dad. It has to be genetics..... unless the other party is also right and it might have to also do with the human desire to emulate the king of the ring... something which my dad has been all this time. This is not to say that my mom is not dominant; she is for sure. I have a number of behavioural traits which are the same as my mom's but I still do feel that I am more similar to my dad than to my mom (In a number of cases I do feel that the situation is opposite though). In any case I am my parents son for sure.
2. I want to work. I do not care for the outcome.... for example.... I do not care if I get my PhD or not. I just want to use sound approaches for generating and implementing ideas and keep working. I want to read papers and be at the fringe. I want to grow up. I am valuing my desire to be a professor in IITB more and more and my gradual seriousness is helping me move towards my goal. But even if I do not achieve it I do not care. As much as I love procrastinating, I am certain that I am going to enjoy working harder than I ever have.
For my closing comments, I just want to mention that I think I am going on the right path for now.
PS: I had my med check yesterday and will have my welcome party in 2 weeks time. I am becoming a bit more responsible about keeping my room organized and clean which is good in the long run.
PPS: I cooked chicken liver for the first time in my life. Cooking is hard.... period... but fun. God knows how my mom even endures it every day. All hail the mother. The preparation was pretty good and my Norwegian friend (Kristoffer) even complimented me on the quality. Not bad for an upstart. I will definitely try again. Perhaps this weekend.
EDIT:
Stay tuned for more.... I'll be back! [Terminator theme sound plays in the background]
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